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Subject: Well...cry if you must, we have enough of that.

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John in Mich    Posted 04-09-2020 at 19:16:52 [URL] [DELETE]        [Reply] [No Email]  
  • Well...cry if you must, we have enough of that.
  • All in the category of "might as well laugh rather than cry..."THERE'S A HUMOROUS SIDE TO ALL OF THIS" copied from an e-mail, source unknown


    Critical Advisory: 8 PM is now the official time to remove your day pajamas and put your night pajamas on.

    Kinda feeling like the Earth just sent us all to our rooms to think about what we've done.

    What if they close the grocery stores? We'll have to hunt for our food. I don't even know where Doritos live...

    I didn't plan to give up quite this much for Lent.

    If you see me talking to myself this week, mind your own business. I'm having a parent-teacher conference.

    Who the heck put virus and allergy season in the same month? I don't know if I should buy Zyrtec or turn myself into the CDC.

    Curious...does anyone happen to know which hunger games district we're in?

    Can we please just follow the government instructions so we can knock this COVID-19 out and be done? I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing recess time because one or two kids can't follow instructions!

    PSA: Every few days, try your jeans on just to make sure they still fit. Pajamas will have you believe that all is well in the kingdom!

    I'm having a quarantine party this weekend. None of you are invited.

    Homeschooling is going well...two students suspended for fighting, and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.

    Somewhere out there is a kid that brought home the class hamster for the weekend. Their parents are not happy!

    I asked a Walmart worker where I could find the nuts. He said, "in the toilet paper aisle."

    If the schools are closed for too long, the parents are gonna find a vaccine before the scientists!

    “We are about three weeks away from knowing everyone’s true hair color.”

    “Apparently, this year is being written by Stephen King.”

    “You might as well go ahead and pronounce the ‘L’ in ‘salmon.’ Nothing matters anymore.”

    “Day 2 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch. Apparently she’s my wife. Seems nice.”

    “Like a good neighbor, stay over there.”

    “If you self-quarantine for your family’s safety, please be smart. I cannot afford to go to 15 baby showers in December.”

    “Actually, it’s only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France; otherwise it’s just sparkling isolation.”

    “I’d hate to see a diarrhea virus break out right now. People would buy up all the nasal spray.”

    On a photo of empty store shelves: “Y’all have Walmart looking like the Cleveland Browns’ trophy case.”

    Atop a drawing of Keith Richards holding a cigarette: “Corona virus barometer. If he goes, we all go.”

    With a photo of a guy wearing a medical mask and looking out a window: “Day 6 of no sports Watching birds fight over worms. Cardinals lead the Blue Jays 3-1.”

    Over a photo of a guy wearing a plain white T-shirt: “2020 NCAA Champions Shirts, $19.95.”

    Above a photo of a hand with words written all over the palm in ink: “I washed my hands so much that my exam notes from 1995 resurfaced.”

    “Back in the day, there was so much toilet paper that people used to literally string it up in the trees of their enemies.”

    “Now that we have everyone washing their hands correctly .. next week, turn signals.”

    “You know that stash of fast-food napkins in your glove-box? It’s their turn to shine.”

    Over a photo of Rod Serling: “Imagine no restaurants, bars, concerts or sports. You just entered The Twilight Zone.”

    *** Keep smiling, laughing and be safe. We'll get through this. ***

    Doug    Posted 04-13-2020 at 12:28:09 [URL] [DELETE]        [Reply] [No Email]  
  • Re: Well...cry if you must, we have enough of that.
  • the hamster one is great

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